Abraham Lincoln vs. Zombies Review

Directed by Richard Schenkman. Story by John T. Hirsch and J. Lauren Proctor. Screenplay by Schenkman.

Abe in SilhouetteAhem.

For about seven score minutes, the Asylum forefathers bestowed to us a new mockbuster. Conceived in cheesiness and dedicated to the proposition that all zombie movie fans are created equal. Now I was engaged in a movie evaluation testing whether my abilities so conceived, so dedicated can long endure.

More movie reviews: Dark Knight Rises, The Watch

Here’s the‚Ķtrailer?

Anyway, Abraham Lincoln vs. Zombies is a by-the-numbers zombie survival flick lacking in energy. Movie starts with young Abe seeing his undead mom and his post-suicide father’s corpse. The setting shifts to 1863 Washington, D.C. where President Lincoln’s (Bill Oberst, Jr.) pressing concern isn’t preserving the Union, but greatly emancipating some undead heads at Fort Pulanski in Savannah. Accompanying him are some Secret Service agents, including Token Black Mr. Brown. (“Mr. Freeman” wasn’t considered?)

Then the protagonists meet with the not-so-hostile Confederates, including Stonewall Jackson, to finish the zombie outbreak. Hooray.

This Lincoln, when not slaying, is prone to speechifying. Other than the obligatory love interest (not Mary Todd, but Mary Owens played by Baby Normal) & attempts at scene-chewing by Secret Service Agent Wilkinson (Jason Vail thinly veiling infamy), there isn’t a reason to care about the characters. Not even young but inexplicably present Teddy Roosevelt. Lincoln vs. Zombies isn’t the cat’s meow technically with dodgy CG compositing and stiff camerawork.

I did find unintentional hilarity in one guy’s failure at crossing a railroad track. What was with that strange business with Mary Todd calling Abe “Father?” With that said, I end this review with these words:

With malice toward none, charity for all, firmness in the right, let us strive to watch better horror movies in the genre we indulge in. As Netflix (or whatever provider) gives us to see the right, let’s not cherish unjust and unlasting mediocrity among certain film studios and ourselves.

Verdict: Undead mess. Zombie movie completists should secede from any SyFy airings (should there be any) of this.

Author: Clarence

Webmaster, editor, writer of Red-Headed Mule. RHM was founded in 2011. Currently is liking British TV better than U.S. TV, mayhaps.